Whod you bang
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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