i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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