His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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