go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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