you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Randomize
