sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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