I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
