During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
