So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
there is glitter all over my balls
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