With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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