I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
When are your genitals available?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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