she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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