i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
