Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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