I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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