Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
