the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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