i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
