is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
