I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize