Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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