Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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