Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
