is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
