i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
