Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Randomize
