the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
