hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
