he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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