she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
