I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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