who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
