After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
We were destined to go to rehab together
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
