Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
