plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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