I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
The air taste purple.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
