dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
