Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
