I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I wanna passion pit in your ass
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
