I could have mohawked her pubes.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
