U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize