I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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