I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
