is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize