It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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