he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
