News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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