i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
