Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
