You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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