Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
