after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Floor bacon is actually really good
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
