you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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