i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize