Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize