this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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