You just made me feel so damn special
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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