Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
