I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
