Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
