I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
