omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
