alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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