Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
