its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
