This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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