quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
my being single is dangerous.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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