the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
oh god was she eating orange peels again
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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