I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
